Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Celebrity Ombudsman: Michael Phelps = Tila Tequila


FINA, an international swimming organization, just issued a press release praising a swimmer for taking illegal drugs....and apologizing. Lets discuss.

Sometimes celebrities emerge through their own hard work and accomplishments, and sometimes celebrities are created through confusing magic and sorcery that results in them continually being on TV but no one knows why.

Michael Phelps is an interesting combination of the two. Phelps' performance in the Olympics obviously is an example of personal accomplishment being rewarded with fame. However, instead of Phelps staying "a swimming-celebrity", like a Mark Spitz sans sensual mustache, Phelps has turned into the second kind of celebrity. Why? Because sponsors and swimming organizations see that there is a lot of money to be earned off of him.

Ideally, Phelps would have become an icon naturally, due to a dynamic personality (like a Sugar Ray Leonard) or good looks (like an Anna Kournikova). But Phelps is sort of shy and didn't really catch on as a true celebrity. So the formula, to these Phelps-opportunists, is obvious...if it doesn't happen organically, force it. Force it like the 10,000th showing of the UnderArmor"I don't even know my power" commercial, force it like Carson Daly's blaccent interviewing Ludicrus ("Luduh, I mean, the the rhymes be flowin, the crowd be feeling it -"). Force it.

All of a sudden, well after the Olympics are over, we keep seeing Michael Phelps being paraded around in crooked hats. Just appearing places constantly: wandering around at various football games, dragged to fashion shows, forced onto Entourage. I'm pretty certain that I saw him get Next-ed by Amber, a spicy 19 year old from La Jolla ("You might have all them medals, but I ain't even trying to settle") but fare better with Tamra on a lascivious episode of Real Housewives of Orange County. And always in crooked hats.

So whats the point of this post? There should be a line between the behavior of sponsors and PR firms and that of governing bodies. After Michael Phelps smoked marijuana and apologized, FINA (a swimming organization certain to benefit if Michael Phelps can become like Michael Jordan) praised him for the apology as a means of damage control. Please note that there was never a separate condemnation press release - only this one that said it was inappropriate, but that he was great and that FINA hoped he would participate in their upcoming World Championships. FINA was more concerned about losing money with the fading of Phelps' star power than they were with making certain their athletes behave themselves.

After Pacman Jones made it rain all over a strip club in Las Vegas, prompting a riot and a shooting, did the NFL praise his apology and insist that the apology alone was a sufficient guarantee that he would "continue generating respect and admiration to fans"? [*Notice, by the way, that this is "to fans" and not "from fans." According to FINA, Phelps is a machine who just can not stop admiring and respecting the people who attend swimming events. Tirelessly respecting people.*] Anyway, no, the NFL suspended Jones for a year. The point is - the role of a body like FINA is to govern the sport and the behavior of its athletes, not to be a pseudo - PR firm protecting its big names. Shame on FINA and shame on Carson Daly.

In conclusion, I swim a very competitive breaststroke.

4 comments:

  1. how can you hold something against FINA for doing what was in theirs, phelps' and the sport's best interests? you think they should have taken the moral hardline - suspended phelps from international competition, sued him, make him a pariah? oh im sure this would have a big impact on the war on narcotics. wake up.
    for one FINA never condoned the use of marijuana. why the fuck would they care? its not performance enhancing, and its not illegal under WADA guidelines outside of major competition. its basically none of their business apart from the fact that high horsers such as yourself are going to now place judgements on phelps, criticising his every act, like being paraded around at football games with a crooked hat. WTF is that? maybe its his choice to go to that game or cameo on entourage because he likes the show. good on him for making something of his hard work. 99.9% of laypeople such as yourself will never understand the magnitude and genius of his ability and accomplishments in the water. you have no weight in casting judgements, what have you ever done in your life that's so special? oh, thats right, criticize the worlds greatest athlete from the safety of your desk and chair.

    for two, i dont think you understand - FINA is not phelps' mother. its NOT their job to control the behaviour of the athletes, their job is to run events and uphold a standard of rules and regulations so that swimmers can compete fairly across all regions. get the facts right buddy, jump off your moral high horse and pull ur head out of your ass.

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  2. Well...

    I can absolutely say that Phelps is no longer a role model for any younger swimmers or any younger athletes at all.

    I really don't like my kids to copy his behaviour.

    /beta

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  3. Ordinarily TWO does not respond to comments, as they are often too voluminous.

    I did want to respond to a couple of things from the 2/5 5:44 post however.

    First, please note that I never criticized Michael Phelps and I didn't condemn him for smoking marijuana. That wasn't the purpose of the post. While I made light of his traipsing around on the Hollywood circuit (which has been ridiculous and over the top) I placed a lot of that blame for that on the sponsor and PR people (the "Michael Phelps opportunists").

    Second, you'll notice that I never called for FINA to do anything. I would have been happy if they had just remained silent. However, I found that FINA's stumbling all over itself to praise Michael Phelps for apologizing was incredibly transparent - they hoped that this would all just go away so Phelps could swim at their events and they could make more money.

    In a related point, just hours after you wrote, USA swimming DID suspend Michael Phelps, an idea that you made out to be totally outlandish. Sometimes doing the right thing is not in one's immediate financial self-interest.

    Anyway, I appreciate your reading and your commenting, and I especially appreciate all of the passion.

    Good day
    TWO

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  4. To Anonymous Comment #1,

    Your comment was far too long to be formatted so poorly especially as it pertains to the length of paragraph #1. I will now get off of my my Grammatical/Formatting High horse.

    "It is said that throughout history, all too often, 'Anonymous' was a women."

    --Think about that one...

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