Thats the only explanation as to why Observe & Report, a comedy about an overweight mall security guard facing a threat to his mall, would be coming out next Friday, approximately three months after the opening of Paul Blart: Mall Cop, a comedy about an overweight mall security guard facing a threat to his mall.
Both films contain silly clips of fat people running and some obligatory ethnic humor (they don't speak like us - HA!).
Here is, then, the second installment (first installment here) of our wildly popular series of little known but incredible factual events that should definitely have movies made about them.
1) Elijah Lovejoy. Reverend Elijah Lovejoy was an ostracized but unwavering abolitionist who preached and wrote anti-slavery articles in Alton, Illinois. He was widely despised for his views, and in November, 1837, Reverend Lovejoy was finally killed by an angry mob who attacked him in his printing warehouse and threw his printing press in the Mississippi River. He is considered a martyr and symbolicly the "first casualty of the Civil War." Reverend Elijah Lovejoy is played brilliantly by Reverend Timothy Lovejoy in this animated film for the whole family.
2) The Forgotten War. In 1942 the Japanese invaded the Alleutian Islands, a small but strategically crucial island chain near Alaska. The U.S. took nearly a year to drive the Japanese out, in mountainous, snowy battles that were bloody and frequently hand-to-hand. A last gasp Japanese counterattack saw one of the largest bonzai charges of the entire war. Thousands were killed. Will Ferrell is miscast as Sergeant Sidney Sweet with Jackie Chan as a tightly wound Colonel Yamasaki in this action thriller.
3) Oh - how about maniac anarchist meth-head rednecks living in bizarre compounds in the northern California forest? Its true. Its happening right now. Here's a picture TWO's friend took last week of signs just inside one of the fenced in compounds while traveling near Oroville, California.
This horror flick stars Billy Bob Thornton and Parker Posey as strung out, flesh eating zombie sect leaders and Seth Rogen as Ranger Tom, whose first day as a park ranger after years as a mall cop is more than he bargained for. Tom must save terrified camper Sissy Bergans (Paris Hilton) who is chased through the woods by the sect's winged-monkeys, played by the Olsen twins. Spoiler alert! The sect devours Sissy and Ranger Tom.
4) Alaric, conflicted warrior. Alaric was a Visigoth leader in the early 5th century and launched an aggressive campaign against Rome, who he felt had betrayed him. Over the next 10 years, he travelled all over Europe, was spoken to by a voice from the sky, had his wife captured, and launched several sieges. On the one hand, some of his methods were brutal. On the other, when he finally took Rome, the first to do so in nearly a thousand years, he and his army apparently made unheard of attempts to spare lives and preserve many of the buildings and sacred places in the city. In the performances of his life, Joaquin Phoenix is Alaric and Joaquin Phoenix is Flavius Stilicho. Brilliant!
5) Is this the most unbelievable true story of the past 5 years? A young husband shoots himself, committing suicide. His heart is donated to an old man, far away, giving the old man a second chance at life. The young widow begins receiving letters from the old man with her ex-husband's heart, thanking her for extending his life. They finally decide to meet, fall instantly in love and marry. 12 years later the old man kills himself as well. Jennifer Aniston, Adam Sandler and Larry David shine in this uproarious comedy.
In conclusion, TWO is full of interesting facts.
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