Coaching Ombudsman: Redskins 12 step program

First of all, lets everyone take a moment and appreciate the fact that The World's Ombudsman, who operates out of a NYC apartment while watching cartoon network (hahahaseriously) just broke the Shanahan-Snyder story before any other news service (and by "broke the Shanahan-Snyder news story" I mean "repeated an unsubstantiated but maybe true rumor") . This is journalism.

Lets, for another moment, assume that the rumor is true... what on Earth is Danny Snyder thinking? ANOTHER coach? Look, when two coaches come through the organization and the team is essentially .500 and can't generate a lot of points under either, this would tend to indicate that the coaches aren't the problem. I could get into a detailed analysis of how the Redskins analysis of their needs and talent is terrible, but that is another column.

Can you imagine another debacle of a coaching search? Here's how this might play out, if Danny Snyder is true to form:

1) Snyder approaches Shanahan and Cowher in private, they show no interest.

2) As word of these clandestine meetings is leaked, Zorn becomes increasingly emasculated and embarassed and resigns or is fired.

3) Shanahan and Cowher then publicly go on record as having turned down the Redskins job (one of them is then hired as Cowboys head coach).

4) Snyder makes absurd overtures to Bill Parcells and Pete Carroll that are immediately turned down. Carroll actually slaps Snyder after his meeting.

5) Mike Holmgren calls Snyder to preemptively inform him that he has no interest in the job.

6) Mind boggling names begin surfacing and Redskins fans get really nervous. Swirling about are hushed rumors about a visit to Redskin Park by Mike Tice, secret whisperings of Vinny Cerrato eating Chic Filet waffle fries with John Madden (who drinks the Polynesian sauce), blog posts about a Snyder phone call to Sam Wyche and an unconfirmed Lindy Infante sighting at Cafe Milano in Georgetown.

7) Snyder gives an obligatory interview to Greg Blache. The meeting takes place with Blache sitting in the passenger seat of Snyder's Lexus as Snyder drives to meet with Mike Shula at a TGI Fridays in Herndon. Snyder is on the phone for the first 10 minutes with Cerrato talking about whether or not they should trade draft picks to the Panthers in exchange for Dwayne Jarrett. Snyder actually stops to pick up Shula from his hotel, and makes Blache sit in the backseat for the last part of the interview.

8) Offended, Blache calls a press conference and retires. Danny Smith is named interim defensive coordinator.

9) Meanwhile, despite Snyder ordering him three TGI Fridays Red Bull Berry Blast signature slushies, Shula is not sufficiently excited about the head coaching job and turns it down.

10) Vinny Cerrato's name is floated as a potential head coaching candidate, but a small riot ensues at the press conference during which there's a stabbing. Jason La Canfora is a suspect.

11) In April, Snyder announces that Stump Mitchell has been hired as the 28th head coach of the franchise, ushering in a new chapter in Redskins history.

12) Four days later, Snyder announces that Rod Marinelli will be taking over the defense coordinator role from Smith (who is fired effective immediately), and that Snyder himself and Forrest Gregg will co-coach the special teams.

In conclusion, I once saw Dennis Erickson bench press 300 pounds.