Pop Culture Ombudsman: The City starring Vanessa Hudgens

The most shameful thing the Ombudsman does is watch The City on MTV. What.

But as the World's Ombudsman, I want to make two things clear.

First, MTV has a responsibility to its viewers to disclose how much is scripted. This is not a true reality show in that some of it (much of it?) seems scripted to push forward certain story lines. Why do I suspect this? One main reason: never has one guy met his buddy specifically to discuss the vague contours of his relationship with a girl. One of my best friends had a girlfriend for a year and I didn't know her name. True story. I also recently learned from some lady friends that the girls' conversations on The City are equally ridiculous. I didn't realize this, as I had always assumed that girls spent most of their time together staring and having stilted conversations about their feelings. Not true, apparently, according to actual girls. But back to the broader point... can a TV station call anything it wants a reality show? Its as if the only burden that must be met is that the characters use their real names. Oh, Mark and Bronson instead of Larry and Balki? Done. Perfect Strangers is now a reality show.

Second, there's far too much Meat Packing District. Since about 1/3 of The City is just panned shots from a helicopter or the occasional stock clip of cabs on the street, and another 1/3 of the City is commercials, that leaves only 10 minutes of actual show. 8 of these 10 minutes occur in the Meat Packing District. Now I understand that DVF (DIANE VON FURSTENBERG!!!!!) is in meat packing...but why do the dates have to be there? why not some east village? lower east side? The Meat Packing District is the capital of faux-luxury and clubbiness. Why would a first date ever take place there? As a guy, what tone are you trying to set? "Girl...I'll take you to 5 9th tonight...and if things go well, in a couple of weeks we could be getting bottle service at Cielo, with me pouring you a too-strong Belvedere red bull, with ice that I scooped up with my hands... or, if we don't get into Cielo, we could be next door at Revel, talking about how we're not into that scene anyway...yeah girl." Hopefully you read that in a Barry White voice. If not, listen to this and go back and read it again while the track plays.

In conclusion, I am keeping my fingers crossed for an eventual fist fight involving the Australian and his iced out roommate, a break up and prurient rebound by Erin, and perhaps a brief kiss between Olivia and Chuck Bass. Is that realistic?