NCAA Tournament Ombudsman: Sponsored by Buffalo Wild Wings

After a weekend of total mayhem and madness, TWO has collected himself and is prepared to share the following reflections on the NCAA tourney's opening rounds.

1) Arizona. Some of you may have interpreted last week's "I can't wait for their Cinderella run" statement as sarcasm, implying that Arizona didn't belong in the tournament and wouldn't make a run. It wasn't sarcasm...incredibly accurate prediction. Humors aside, I will admit that Arizona, stunningly, has a case that they should have made it in the tourney after all. While beating Utah and Cleveland State wasn't the toughest route, the sweet 16 is the sweet 16. And as a man of integrity, I will say that I was wrong about Arizona. However, I absolutely stand by my argument as a whole - and also happily note that Maryland, Wisconsin and Michigan failed to make any sort of run in the tourney. That, combined with my picking 14 of the Sweet 16, makes me both a man of integrity and a man who is almost always correct. It feels good. It feels really good.

2) Syracuse. I am rooting for Syracuse purely to extend the enjoyment of watching Syracuse girls, classes 2001-2008, go berserk all over Murray Hill. It is difficult to reconcile this with my rooting against Eric Devendorf, his unacceptable oncourt posturing and his equally unacceptable offcourt blaccent. If I wrote a movie about Syracuse basketball, Devendorf would be played by Justin Timberlake and Johnny Flynn would be played by Fife Dawg from A Tribe Called Quest. And Fife Dawg would constantly beat up Justin Timberlake.

3) The Buffalo Wild Wings Commercial. Absurd. Unfortunately I can't find the basketball version of the commercial on the internet, but here is a football version from the fall, with essentially the same theme. The basketball version will be shown 1000 times each game for the rest of the NCAA tourney, so you can't miss it. The premise is that a bunch of fans - from New York and Boston - are watching a game together at a bar. They decide they are having so much fun that they ask the bartender to put the game into overtime. He sends a signal to a photographer on court who, by using an ultra powerful camera flash, prevents a Boston slam dunk that would have won the game. The fans are absolutely delighted!

What are the problems? First, Boston and New York fans would never harmoniously be at the same bar, and second, there are at least 5 black people wearing Boston jerseys. This is 5 more black fans than actually root for Boston (or, as it is also known, the "Nation's Capital of Sneaky Racism"). Even Boston's black players don't root for Boston. For example, Rajon Rondo and Kevin Garnett play to win for the Celtics when they're on the court, but as soon as they're back on the bench they heckle their teammates and revert to their default mode of hating the Celtics, Patriots, Red Sox, Bruins and Revolution. Even the Revolution? Especially the Revolution. Third, the fans - for both sides - cheer wildly when the game is sent into overtime. Boston fans celebrating - thanking their lucky stars - that a Bill Buckner moment happened. Well, yeah, there may be years of agony later....but at least for now we get to enjoy an extra 45 minutes of Crispy Southwest Dippers and Huckleberry Lemonade!

And I think thats the reason why this seemingly innocuous ad has had such a strong reaction. Real fans, while their favorite teams are playing, are stressed out, sweating, gut-wrenched and at times possibly miserable. I worked with an English woman who was actually incapable of watching England's soccer team play. She was so nervous that she had to sit outside and have people tell her what was happening. Real fans don't like and have nothing in common with the happy-go-lucky, wide-eyed Buffalo Wild Wings people, who are just thrilled to be at a chain restaurant socializing and high-fiving each other no matter who wins or loses.

4) The Announcing. Fantastic. Gus Johnson and Bill Raftery do a great job calling their respective games and capturing the excitement and emotion of the tournament (see also Gus Johnson's Whisper). One of TWO's least favorite things is the understated play-by-play man. In the 1980s and early 90s, this role was filled by Pat Summerall - here's Summerall calling the final play of the 1987 NFC Championship Game. While I liked Summerall generally, he just struggled at capturing the emotion of a big play.

The current understated play-by-play man is Joe Buck, who is even worse because he's boring and smug at the same time, as if he's bigger than the moment and too cool to be excited. Here is Joe Buck calling arguably the greatest play in Super Bowl history. Transcribed: "Pressure from Thomas off the edge...Eli Manning stays on his feet...airs it out down the field...it is caught by Tyree."

Lets compare that to Gus Johnson calling the end of a college basketball game from a couple years back. Transcribed: "Throws it down court!!! Batista wiTH THE CAAAAAAATCHSDXL&HGR2&HHHGGHX!!!!!!!! AND THAAAAATS ITTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAT A COMEBAAAACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Can you imagine if Gus had called that Super Bowl play? He would have literally been screaming in tongues, bitten the ear off of the color guy and ransacked the booth. The transcript would have been entirely in wingdings.

5) Prediction. Villanova over Duke. Because I'd love it.

In conclusion, Huckleberry Lemonade sounds delicious.