The City Ombudsman: Less Tamarama Interruptions, Please!

After referencing Tila Tequila and Lady Gaga recently, I thought it was time to get back to serious issues like The City.

Lets talk about loyalty and double standards. A few weeks ago Adam made late night kissing with some girl who was not his girlfriend Allie. What followed? Two episodes of tears and gnashing of teeth...Whitney and Erin and Allie were all about the angry talk and using terms like "liar" and "cheater" and "guy who wears clownishly enormous v-necks to Tenjune." The last one wasn't actually said but is no less true. And MTV, for their part, used clips and angles that made Adam look like a creep. It was frankly surprising that there wasn't grainy footage of him pulling up to a lower east side elementary school in a van and offering kids snow cones before peeling out when he realized the camera was on him. But fine, you shouldn't cheat and lie.

However, over the last two episodes, Erin has been cheating on her long distance boyfriend with one "JR." I'm not sure what MTV is trying to imply when they show JR waking up at Erin's apartment and struggling to put on his youth medium Affliction tee shirt, but if one reads between the lines, I think they're suggesting that Erin and JR are doing more than just kissing. And by that I mean having relations. But is there condemnation? Is Erin shown cackling maniacally as she necks with JR with a quick cut to her Canadian boyfriend crying as All Out of Love plays? No. Instead she is treated with incredulous giggles from her girlfriends who want to know how she feels and what she wants. MTV makes her out to be sort of a lovable party girl who has this difficult boy situation! And the episode ends with her talking to JR and crying.

So to recap, Adam cheats on Allie, Allie cries. Erin cheats on her boyfriend, Erin cries. What? How can this be! While Adam's and Erin's situations aren't identical, the bottom line is: both cheated! However, one person is being treated like he did something wrong by cheating, and the other person is being treated as if they have just found themselves in a difficult situation and the cheating is just an unfortunate by-product. Unfair.

Do you know whats also unfair? My having to sit through two performances by Jay's Bananarama cover band and not getting to hear Venus.

That segues nicely into my other musing, which concerns the Hotel Gansevoort rooftop. Seriously? Not sure why one of the events had to take place here. I challenge you to find a place in Manhattan that has a lower percentage of Manhattan residents among its patrons. 230 5th in the summer is probably the only serious contender, when during happy hour the area code on the rooftop actually changes from 212 to 516. Hotel Gansevoort, meanwhile, is typically filled with 24 year old suit jacketed, slick haired guys from Hoboken who live with four other roommates. In between buying rounds of Patron shots for unsuspecting FIT first years, these dudes pass the time by blackberrying each other feverishly (mostly about when the other roommates are showing up and whether its time for more Patron). The point is, again, less Meatpacking District please!

So what have we learned today? Sometimes there are apparently double standards for cheating, and B&T loves rooftops.

In conclusion, I'm burning like a silver flame.

Pop Culture Ombudsman: The City starring Vanessa Hudgens

The most shameful thing the Ombudsman does is watch The City on MTV. What.

But as the World's Ombudsman, I want to make two things clear.

First, MTV has a responsibility to its viewers to disclose how much is scripted. This is not a true reality show in that some of it (much of it?) seems scripted to push forward certain story lines. Why do I suspect this? One main reason: never has one guy met his buddy specifically to discuss the vague contours of his relationship with a girl. One of my best friends had a girlfriend for a year and I didn't know her name. True story. I also recently learned from some lady friends that the girls' conversations on The City are equally ridiculous. I didn't realize this, as I had always assumed that girls spent most of their time together staring and having stilted conversations about their feelings. Not true, apparently, according to actual girls. But back to the broader point... can a TV station call anything it wants a reality show? Its as if the only burden that must be met is that the characters use their real names. Oh, Mark and Bronson instead of Larry and Balki? Done. Perfect Strangers is now a reality show.

Second, there's far too much Meat Packing District. Since about 1/3 of The City is just panned shots from a helicopter or the occasional stock clip of cabs on the street, and another 1/3 of the City is commercials, that leaves only 10 minutes of actual show. 8 of these 10 minutes occur in the Meat Packing District. Now I understand that DVF (DIANE VON FURSTENBERG!!!!!) is in meat packing...but why do the dates have to be there? why not some east village? lower east side? The Meat Packing District is the capital of faux-luxury and clubbiness. Why would a first date ever take place there? As a guy, what tone are you trying to set? "Girl...I'll take you to 5 9th tonight...and if things go well, in a couple of weeks we could be getting bottle service at Cielo, with me pouring you a too-strong Belvedere red bull, with ice that I scooped up with my hands... or, if we don't get into Cielo, we could be next door at Revel, talking about how we're not into that scene anyway...yeah girl." Hopefully you read that in a Barry White voice. If not, listen to this and go back and read it again while the track plays.

In conclusion, I am keeping my fingers crossed for an eventual fist fight involving the Australian and his iced out roommate, a break up and prurient rebound by Erin, and perhaps a brief kiss between Olivia and Chuck Bass. Is that realistic?